The Power of the Coach and Client Partnership
My coach and I have been working together for over a year now. During this time she has had a chance to observe how I react in different situations, see my progress, and how I process things. The longer we work together, the more knowledge she has to work with so she can assist me in better identifying my needs and meeting my goals. True and genuine rapport are things that take time. In the time that we have worked together, I have grown to trust her fully and feel safe partnering with her. I feel safe enough her take off the “neurodivergent mask” that I created over the years so she can see the “real me” and help me also become more of my true self to others.
When I started ADHD coaching, my mindset was completely different than it is now. I told my coach I needed help applying for human resources jobs because I was overwhelmed with the application process, being more organized with things like cleaning, and getting back to exercising at the gym. I mistakenly thought that the goal of ADHD coaching was to help me stay on track and keep up with my neurotypical friends. I thought I'd work with an ADHD coach for a few months to "catch up" on my "deficits" and finally be on track with the rest of my peers.
My coach never judged me for this and went on the journey with me. I told her what I wanted to work on, and she helped me organize how we could best do that. We strategized how I could get through the job application process. She encouraged me to reach out to people in human resources jobs that I wanted so that I could get a better idea of what a human resources job would be like. She supported and assisted me as I made a networking list and started interviewing people. I struggled with emailing people, so she would help me review my emails, and sometimes, if I needed help sending an email to someone, I would send the email during our session.
When I told her how frightening the whole application process was for me and of my fear of not being "good enough" or coming off "too ADHD" in my interviews, I'd received some not-so-kind advice before from people saying I'd do better in interviews if I "toned myself down," "talked less," and was less "jumpy."
My coach didn't tell me any of that. She told me that I should think of applying as a process of rejection but rather a process of mutual selection, where we both had to choose each other. She asked me, “why would I want to work where I did not feel comfortable?” Which made me look at the process differently. She and I talked about what strengths I had as an ADHD person and how even though I didn't have to tell them I had ADHD, I could tell them about my ADHD-related strengths and use that as a positive, like my ability to be creative and problem solve on the spot and be good at managing crises. After months of procrastinating with her help, I finally turned in some applications. She and I celebrated turning in those applications, and I told her, “I don’t even care at this point if I get it. I am just so proud of myself for submitting them. And you know what? I did get rejected from all the HR jobs I applied to…but I had this strange feeling of relief that grew stronger with every rejection…She and I reflected on why I was feeling that way, and it made me realize that human resources was NOT my passion.
After further reflection with my coach on what I wanted to do, I realized that one of my dreams had always been to go into politics, but I abandoned it because I was too intimidated to pursue it. At that point, having more confidence in myself, I told my coach I wanted to explore this. She was on board with me, and we started the journey to see what an HR career would be like for me. During my journey into politics I had the privilege of connecting with many important key political figures in my area and even was placed in leadership in multiple organizations. During this time, I felt like I did get to feel the reality instead of just my fantasies of what a career in politics would be like…I thought I would feel fulfilled…but I eventually came to the realization that this, too, was NOT actually what I wanted either!
I told my coach that now that I had lived in this reality, I realized it wasn’t for me. Again, she didn’t judge me for “quitting.” She validated my feelings, and we processed my experience and what could be making it feel that way to ensure this was what I wanted to do. After further processing with my coach, I realized that I really enjoyed and felt fulfilled at my current job, which was working and supporting people 1:1 through mentoring and counseling. I had been working as a clinician for the last 5 years, but since it came to me naturally, I dismissed it, which is, in fact, common for people with ADHD people to do! I realized then that I wanted to be an ADHD coach and pursue training so I could give other ADHD people the gift and experience that I had been given.
It’s funny, right when I started pursuing my “political ambitions,” one of my friends, the “tough love” type, said, “Why are you doing that? You should stick with counseling. That’s what you're gifted at. You don’t really want to have a political career!” At the time, I felt so betrayed and EVEN more determined to pursue a political career. I wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say at the time; I wasn’t there yet.
When I started with my coach, she did a great job of breaking down the application process and reaching out to HR professionals and those involved in politics. She didn’t know the answer to what my calling was because only I knew that. My coach did an amazing job of patiently guiding and supporting me to gain self-awareness of what I really wanted to do. Human resources was what I felt my society wanted me to do. Politics was something that I had fantasized about and was afraid to pursue, but when I did, I realized that many of my fantasies and imaginings were just that. Helping people through providing counseling and coaching is what is in my heart. My coach helped me peel away the layers of my subconscious to reveal what I truly wanted and needed
I continue to work with my coach over a year and a later because I am continuing to make these kinds of important insights about myself through our work. ADHD Coaching has been and continues to be invaluable to me. I could have never guessed what type of journey I was about to begin when my coach and I started working together, but I could not be more grateful for what we have accomplished and the changes she has helped me make in my life thus far.
